The Success Paradox–Why Everyone's 'Crushing It' But Nobody's Happy

Redefining Success in Dentistry: Beyond the Facebook Highlight Reel

Discover what authentic success means for dental professionals beyond income metrics. Dr. Allison House and Shawn Zajas explore meaningful achievement in dentistry.

Beyond the Numbers: What Success Really Means for Today's Dental Professionals

In a profession where "crushing it" has become the standard response to "How's your practice going?", two authentic voices in dentistry are asking a different question entirely: What if our definition of success is fundamentally flawed?

The Gender Gap in Dental Success Metrics

Dr. Allison House, a practicing dentist with over 24 years of experience, recently observed a striking pattern in dental Facebook groups. "In the male Facebook groups, I noticed that they say a lot about how much money they make. That is really important to their success. But in the female groups, we never talk about money, ever."

This observation reveals a deeper truth about how different demographics within dental practice leadership approach success. While financial metrics dominate many conversations about dental practice success, other measures—patient relationships, clinical excellence, work-life balance—often go undiscussed despite their profound impact on long-term fulfillment as a dentist.

The Three-Dimensional Framework of Dental Success

When pressed to define her own success metrics, Dr. House revealed what she calls her "three-tab spreadsheet" approach:

1. Financial Performance - The area where many dentists feel pressure from social media claims

2. Quality of Dentistry - Clinical excellence that often goes unrecognized

3. Family and Relationships - The foundation that gives meaning to professional achievement

"I'm having a hard time with the fact that my practice doesn't make as much money as what is being posted on Facebook," Dr. House admits with characteristic vulnerability. "And I don't know what's true and what's not true."

This honesty cuts through the authentic dental practice facade that pervades much of dental social media, where everyone appears to be achieving unprecedented success simultaneously.

Finding Your Authentic Definition of Success

Shawn Zajas, dental marketing expert and co-host, brings a different perspective: "If I have light that I can shine, that's unique to me... then I think success needs to be aligned with almost like some mission that maybe only I can do."

This approach to finding fulfillment as a dentist moves beyond comparative metrics toward something more personally meaningful. Rather than measuring against others' highlighted achievements, it asks: What unique contribution can only you make?

The Acropolis Moment: When Success Expectations Meet Reality

Dr. House shares a powerful story about taking her daughter to Greece and climbing the Acropolis—a moment she anticipated would be profound. Her daughter's response? "Mom, this is a pile of rocks."

"Sometimes that Acropolis is our definition of success," reflects Zajas, "and someone else much more simple and maybe having more common sense might be like, just a bunch of rocks, mom."

This insight challenges dental professionals seeking authentic success to examine whether their goals truly align with what brings meaning and joy, or if they're climbing someone else's mountain entirely.

The Ten-Year Patient: A Lesson in Living Fully

Perhaps the most poignant moment comes when Dr. House shares about a patient who spent ten years saying she would die in six months: "Every time I saw her for 10 years, she told me she was dying in the next six months... And she lived her life like that. And she didn't live her life in a good way."

This story illuminates the danger of perpetually delaying meaningful engagement with life—whether due to fear, over-caution, or waiting for some future "arrival" at success.

Practical Steps for Redefining Your Success

For dental practice owners and clinicians ready to develop a more authentic relationship with success:

1. Audit Your Metrics: What are you actually measuring? Are these metrics aligned with your deepest values?

2. Question Social Media Claims: Recognize that highlight reels rarely tell complete stories about sustainable dental practice models.

3. Define Your Unique Mission: What light can only you shine? What contribution feels most meaningful?

4. Balance Present and Future: Plan responsibly while remaining present to current opportunities for connection and impact.

5. Seek Authentic Community: Engage with authentic dental leadership voices who model vulnerability alongside success.

Beyond Crushing It: The Call for Authentic Dental Leadership

As the dental profession continues evolving, there's an increasing need for leaders who can model authentic leadership in dentistry—professionals who achieve excellence while maintaining connection to their values, families, and deeper purpose.

The question isn't whether you're "crushing it." The question is whether you're building something that will matter when you look back at your career and life. Something that honors both your professional capabilities and your human heart.

Because at the end of the day, success in dentistry—like success in life—isn't just about the mountain you climb. It's about ensuring it's the right mountain, climbed for the right reasons, with the people who matter most still by your side when you reach whatever summit you're seeking.

Your Success, Your Terms

What would change in your practice, your relationships, and your daily experience if you gave yourself permission to define success on your own terms? The dental profession needs more practitioners willing to ask this question—and even more importantly, to live the answer.